Rule #32 (It's Okay to Feel Big Emotions)

I am a person that does not cry. It's not that I can't, but that I have in a way conditioned myself to shut off my emotions. I think dealing with traumatic loss as a child jaded me. I began to believe that crying or any other similar emotion was nonsensical unless something terrible had happened or you were in serious physical pain. Hearing some of my friends say how they had cried twice in a month boggled my mind when the last time I had cried was nearly a year prior. Actually seeing people cry would make me incredibly uncomfortable and angry. I would even pride  myself on being a strong person that didn't crumble like others. After living the majority of my life this way, rule #32 "It's Okay to Feel Big Emotions," seemed very daunting, but after coming to the realization that not expressing emotions wouldn't' stop me from feeling them, I decided to try out the rule

The author says, "Sitting on our feeling isn't a good idea. They just get squashed that way" (Templar 66) which really hammered home for me. So I decided to cry. I won't lie and say it was a soul cleansing experience or that it completely broke the walls inside me because it didn't. I felt dejected, dismal, and dreary. The one emotion that I didn't feel was anger. I used to connect a great deal of anger towards the weakness that I saw in crying, but for the first time in awhile I wasn't mad at myself for expressing my emotions. I didn't feel shameful or weak. I just let myself feel sad. It definitely wasn't enjoyable, but I think it's exactly what I needed. The book helped me see that I wasn't less of who I was before I cried, "We can be quite emotional and still be in charge of what we are expressing" (Templar 67). I don't have to be guarded to be happy.

The way I made myself cry was by watching a movie. I searched for sad movies on Netflix and came upon Dear Zachary. It was a devastating documentary that left me empty afterwards and still hurts to think about, but I would definitely recommend it to anyone. It was very difficult to follow this rule, but I did it and I can honestly say I have no regrets. When is the last time you didn't cover up your emotions and just let yourself completely feel the moment?